* You bought a trilobite instead of having your youngest child vaccinated against early childhood diseases

* You don't understand the danger in asking your wife if you can display your trilobites in her new china cabinet

* You fall asleep by counting trilobites leaping over crinoids (stems AND crowns)

* Your pet rock is just a matrix for your favorite trilobite

* You can remember the age of every trilobite in your collection, but can't remember your anniversary

* You sleep in an enrolled position

* You tell your wife to get off her pygidium and cook you some supper

* Your last child's middle name is Psychopyge

* You've surpassed the limit on ALL your credit cards with trilobite purchases

* Santa filled your stocking with nothing less than 250,000,000 years old

* All your on-line time is spent at Kevin Brett's Trilobite Page (http://www.ualberta.ca/~kbrett/index.html)

* Your ad at the Lonely Hearts Club says "Looking for a girl who owns trilobites, can cook, and will care for an aging fossil collector. Please send picture of trilobites specified as to genus, species, age, source, AND collector"

* You spend half a day frantically looking for the 2mm, fully enrolled Peronopsis you dropped on the carpet

* You try to guess your children's ages by counting their thoracic segments

* Instead of being a leg man, you're a "free cheeks" man

* You think of the "good book" as being the Treatise on Invertebrate Paleontology, Part 0

* Your Christmas Eve activities include making all your family watch ALL SIX HOURS of The Natural History Show on Video Catalog Channel

* Your adolescent children are about to drive you out of your cephalon

* "Horny" makes you think of Dicranurus

* You pick your vacation spots based on geological strata (or AABR's- ancient arthropod-bearing rocks)

* You set your watch by ECT (Eastern Cambrian Time)

* You KNOWINGLY purchased a trilobite with the money you saved for your wife's Christmas present

* All your math is done in a base 3 number system

* You consult your geologist more frequently than your financial adviser

* Your financial adviser recommends getting rid of your geologist

* Your geologist recommends getting rid of your financial adviser